


just (not) fine: PJO/HoO

by falling_winter_rose



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan, The Heroes of Olympus - Rick Riordan
Genre: Angst, Depression, Drabble, F/M, Multi, Not, Other, Suicide, fine, hide - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-06-24
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 15:23:38
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 1,554
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15027527
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/falling_winter_rose/pseuds/falling_winter_rose
Summary: maybe i'm not okay darling/i'm sorry i'm sorry i shouldn't have pushed you away/please don't leave me here/i can't do this anymore :: the stories of how the seven, nico, reyna, and thalia couldn't take it anymore :: daily updates of probably like three hundred words or something :: warning for suicide/suicidal thoughts, anxiety, self harm, anorexia, i'll add more if it comes to that





	1. i. leo

**Author's Note:**

> **a/n: i originally had five chapters of this posted on ff, which i will all post today, and then updates will come slower from then on. the first few chapters will be seriously crap because i wasn't that good at writing these that much at that time, they were mostly some of my emotions channeled into work in a not-so-efficient way. the slower updates from five will all be of better quality. so just wait, it gets better**

They never seemed to notice the way he never ate. They never payed attention to him, focused still on the quest.

Leo Valdez didn't blame them.

Saving the world was so much more important than him-worthless, dumb, useless, stupid Leo Valdez.

Leo was absently tinkering with some spare parts when Jason knocked on the door before coming in.

"Hey, everyone's at mess hall. You coming?"

Leo jumped, startled from his thoughts. "Uh, yeah. Just gimme a moment."

"Hurry up, it's important," Jason said, then left.

Leo glanced at his work and sighed.

He couldn't even build right.

Shoving the stuff under his bed, he was getting up when he heard the  _clunk_  of his creation hitting something.

He froze.

And he suddenly remembered all the things that were under that bed.

* * *

A few minutes later Leo Valdez stumbled into mess hall, his grin still plastered on his face.

"Hey people's, Bad Boy McShi-oh." It seemed the rest of the seven had started the meeting.

Seeming to notice him, Percy swung around and glared at him. "What took you so long?"

Leo shrugged. "Gotta wait for the best moments of the Supreme Commander of the  _Argo II_."

Percy snorted.

 _See that?_ The voices taunted.  _No one wants you. They all hate you. They'd be better off without you._

Leo choked. "I'm sorry," he whispered.

"What?"

"Nothing," Leo grinned, regaining his composure.

And at that moment the ship shook, every one of the Seven flying from their seats.

Leo sighed.

"Oh just great, it's a monster attack!"


	2. ii. reyna

Reyna felt that she was fading away. Her eyes were bloodshot from all the sleepless nights, her skin turning sallow from not enough food and not enough sleep.

And no one noticed.

She wasn't a human being anymore, just a leader. Like a shiny statue that everyone knew but no one cared about.

But the thing that scared her the most was, had she ever been anything but  _this?_  This icy mask of a girl too afraid to show who she really was to anyone? Because the only few times she'd let her mask down it had almost destroyed her?

Reyna wasn't going to take more risks.

She needed to stay alive.

To fight.

But now Reyna wasn't so sure that she  _wanted_  to be alive. That she even needed to be. Because the last few weeks she had been holding onto the hope that the legion needed her.

But did they?

Reyna stared at herself in the mirror of the praetor's private baths, wondering if she was needed anyway. Would the legion be better off without her?

She didn't want to believe it.

She stripped off and looked at herself again, noting the way her ribs stuck out. She wasn't dangerously underweight, not yet, but she still needed to bulk out to keep her armor from falling off as soon as she put it on.

Oh well, she thought. Who cares?

Sometimes Reyna really did wish somebody cared.

But the thing was that no one ever would.

* * *

Reyna sighed in exasperation. "Octavian, we can't send all of our troops after them! We still need to defend ourselves against Gaea and her forces."

Octavian sneered. "Once we destroy the  _Graecus_  scum, Gaea will disappear back into the Earth! It is the Greeks that have woken her! Or do you side with the Greeks,  _praetor?"_

Reyna felt drained, not wanting to fight anymore. Not with Octavian, not the monsters, not anything.

What she needed was a nice, long sleep.

But she wasn't going to get that.

Reyna mustered a scornful laugh. "Octavian, you really think that I side with the Greeks? My loyalties are with the Romans, and they always will be. I can't say the same for you, though."

 _Keep up the facade,_  she thought.  _Don't let them see, don't let them know…_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **a/n: sort of wanted to talk about how reyna was so hurt after both jason and percy turned her down. didn't really get to it in detail but whatever.  
>  also anyone notice my little reference to frozen? that was random but whatever  
> and another also  
> where in tartarus did my writing skills go  
> if i even ever had any in the first place**


	3. iii. nico

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> a/n: here goes the chapter. which has to be set in a different time because nico being in the jar… well i don't know what to write about that

Nico didn't know what to do anymore. He was confused, and tired, and he couldn't seem to find a way to escape.

He just wanted to escape from the voices in his head.

They were tearing him apart from the inside out and he couldn't do anything about it. Nothing, absolutely  _nothing_  he did could help him survive against  _them._

Them, the voices in his head.

Them, the screams that he couldn't get rid of.

Them, the product of… him.

Because after all it was  _his_  mind, wasn't it? That was where the demons had first originated. That was their home, their birthplace.

Nico stared out at the valley where the legion and New Rome were, feeling utterly and completely alone. He was the isolated Ambassador of Pluto, utterly feared and perhaps hated.

He sighed, wondering if he'd ever find a place he could truly call home. Sometimes he wondered why his father had sent him here, knowing it would just be another place that he would come to hate because of the pure hurt that he felt there.

If only he could escape, Nico thought. But it'd never happen, him being a son of Hades. He'd never be able to escape his thoughts, his mind. Even if he died he'd only go to his father's palace, perhaps, or to Elysium, which he had never deserved.

Even if he chose rebirth the demons would still haunt him. He only wished he could go to Asphodel, become a chattering, unknowing ghost for the rest of eternity.

Nico sighed. Well, no use dwelling on the impossible.

All he could do was shove away the pain as best he could and keep on with life.

Somehow, he thought, he'd find a way to escape.

For now, he just had to keep on going.

Nico stared down the hill into the city of New Rome and the legion. He remembered with a start his promise to Hazel that he'd go down into the pit to see if he could find the Doors of Death.

An idea started forming in his head.

Maybe he could escape after all.


	4. iv: frank

Frank wished that his gift of changing into animals didn't come with the added part of thinking there were actual animals around him.

Damn it, he wanted to be normal.

Well, as normal as a demigod could be.

Already he was a son of effing Mars, a descendant of Poseidon,  _and_  he could change into animals.

And apparently he imagined animals too.

It wasn't only that, either. Some nights the pain was unbearable. He'd accidentally poke himself or bump into something or other when going to bed, which happened about every single night—Frank was rather clumsy—and then the pain would come in bursting spikes, or burning hot as the sun, or perhaps the sensation that something was crawling under his skin.

Frank would panic as a young child, thinking that he was dying, or that he had been bitten by some terrible thing, or so many other things.

It also didn't help that Frank happened to have a certain thing called  _anxiety._

So along with his schizophrenia came the panic attacks, which were  _way_  worse than they sounded.

 _Stop complaining,_  that constant internal voice said.  _You have better things to do with your pathetic little life._

Frank groaned and put a hand to his forehead. The voice didn't only come with emotional pain, it came with actual, physical pain that pounded inside his head.

"You okay?" Hazel asked, reaching a hand to put on his shoulder.

Frank almost jumped out of his skin in surprise at the sudden touch, and Hazel immediately retracted her hand, flushing with embarrassment.

"O-oh sorry, I didn't mean to—" Hazel flushed with embarrassment again.

Frank cursed himself. The only person who didn't think he was an ugly, dumb klutz, and he had embarrassed her.

"No, it's fine," he assured her, desperately trying not to turn red and completely failing.

Oh, well. Just another mishap the klutz of the  _Argo II_  had made.

And at the moment, the ship shook and every one of them fell out of their seats.

_Just great._


	5. v: thalia

It was actually surprisingly easy to sneak the drugs and alcohol into the Hunters' camp.

Thalia Grace knew this from hard cold experience, from all the nights spent sneaking more into the stash in her tent, and soon afterwards smiling, in the alcohol induced stupor of joy.

It was the thing she craved the most, the clarity and happiness of the drugs, and the wooziness and giggling brought on by the bitter drink.

Maybe some small part of her had once protested against the consumption of such addicting and  _evil_  materials, but that part, if it had ever even existed, was long gone now.

Now the only thing that could ever make Thalia Grace smile was the feel that the drugs and alcohol gave her.

It had all started that day  _he_  had died.

It had been painful enough when he had gone over to the dark side, when he had become one of Kronos' minions.

But she could deal with that.

She was used to betrayal. So used to it it was sort of sad.

But then, in that final battle, Luke was the one who was a hero. Luke was really the hero. Luke wasn't evil.

But Luke  _died._

The only one she had ever truly loved had  _died._

_If only he was alive._

But he wasn't.

And so Thalia Grace melted away.

**Author's Note:**

> **a/n: yes, i am aware that percy is a very nice person but keep in mind he's probably still just a little bit pissed at leo for blowing up new rome**


End file.
